Greetings, GAMERS.
How was your 2025? How is your 2026??? I had a lovely New Year's Eve Eve, thanks for asking. Today, on New Year's Eve, I am MENSTRUATING, and I just saw the Season 1 finale of Pluribus, and I did not care for it, so much so that I immediately started writing this post.
# _Pluribus_ sucks
I was hooked by the first episode and intrigued by the hype surrounding Pluribus, but oh my fucking God did they ever not execute it well. Every scene takes 5x longer than it needs to.
But _EMILY_, you say. It is a show about the CHARACTERS. It explores the PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS about WHAT it MEANS to BE a HUMAN. No it fucking doesn't. Stop making excuses for Vince Gilligan just because "_Breaking Bad_ is the greatest show of all time." I mean, it might be, maybe. I watched a fair amount of it over my ex-boyfriend's shoulder back in 2013, and I enjoyed doing so, because the characters were complicated and compelling, and things actually happened that moved the plot forward.
_Pluribus_ is like if they took the entire first season of _Breaking Bad_ for Walter White to cook his first meth. People wouldn't be lining up to suck Vince's dick if they had done that. So why are they lining up to suck his dick now? God, I am so annoyed.
My official rating of cinematographic excellence: 3 stars out of 13. It's gonna take more than that to make ME suck your dick, Vince. I'm a busy woman.
BUT EMILY, you say. YOU JUST HATE POPULAR THINGS. No I fucking don't. I had an amazing time this year with so many extremely popular things. Let me tell you about the extremely popular things that I immensely enjoyed this year.
# _Clair Obscur: Expedition 33_
I was an early adopter before the hype for _CO: E33_ got completely out of control, so I was part of the hype train, I guess, but this game deserves every pixel of hype it gets. This game pulled me out of a 6-month depressive slump and reminded me what it means to be a human, or some shit. Literally my favorite game and soundtrack of all time.
My rating: 10 billion out of 10 billion.
# _Metaphor: Re Fantazio_
Technically this came out in late 2024, but I never said this post was going to be about hype trains that started in 2025, so fucking deal with it. I started this game in February and then put it down for a bit when I started _Clair Obscur_, because I had gotten to the Dragon Temple, which was admittedly a frustrating point in the game. But on the whole this game fucking kicks ass. Stupid sexy Louis.
My rating: 4 out of 4.8 stars.
# _Severance_ - Season 2
Season 2 came out this year and somehow I didn't get the memo that Adam Scott starred in it until I saw memes about it this year, and so I immediately watched both seasons, and I had a great time. I'm a little worried it will go off the rails in Season 3 but, unlike _Pluribus_, it is an exciting show about interesting characters in which questions get answered (while raising new ones at a reasonable pace) and the plot actually moves forward from time to time. God I am so annoyed right now.
Grade: solid B- (remember: Cs get degrees)
# _Squid Game_ - Season 2
Ok I actually didn't really love this all that much, but I enjoyed watching it more than I enjoyed watching Pluribus because it's a show about interesting characters in which questions get answered (while raising new ones at a reasonable pace) and the plot actually moves forward from time to time. God I am so annoyed right now.
My score: it's fine
# _Dispatch_
What a fun and quirky game. _Dispatch_ is honestly what being a manager is like for real. Whenever my team has to do something, I pick the person with the best stats for the task, and then we roll a die to see if they succeed 🤔
Anyway, 83% approval rating, strong recommend.
# _The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy_
I have not actually "finished" this game because I still don't exactly know what it would mean to do that, short of completing all 100 different branching paths, which I will not do. But I already know I love _The Hundred Line_, even after encountering the branch literally titled "Stupidest Ending Ever," which was, in fact, very stupid. But still - I'm more of a sucker for weeaboo anime shit than I let on (how much do I let on, exactly? You tell me, buddy) and this is weeaboo anime shit _par excellence_, with some low-key grid-based tactics gameplay to boot. THAT is my kink.
Score: four bucks a pound
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# Other media that enhanced my life in 2025 but cannot be considered "hype trains"
Since we're on the topic, and it's New Year's Eve and I'm busy menstruating instead of getting DRUNK and trying to MAKE OUT with someone at MIDNIGHT (in which TIME ZONE? You have been played for FOOLS):
I was hooked by the first episode and intrigued by the hype surrounding Pluribus, but oh my fucking God did they ever not execute it well. Every scene takes 5x longer than it needs to.
But _EMILY_, you say. It is a show about the CHARACTERS. It explores the PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS about WHAT it MEANS to BE a HUMAN. No it fucking doesn't. Stop making excuses for Vince Gilligan just because "_Breaking Bad_ is the greatest show of all time." I mean, it might be, maybe. I watched a fair amount of it over my ex-boyfriend's shoulder back in 2013, and I enjoyed doing so, because the characters were complicated and compelling, and things actually happened that moved the plot forward.
_Pluribus_ is like if they took the entire first season of _Breaking Bad_ for Walter White to cook his first meth. People wouldn't be lining up to suck Vince's dick if they had done that. So why are they lining up to suck his dick now? God, I am so annoyed.
My official rating of cinematographic excellence: 3 stars out of 13. It's gonna take more than that to make ME suck your dick, Vince. I'm a busy woman.
BUT EMILY, you say. YOU JUST HATE POPULAR THINGS. No I fucking don't. I had an amazing time this year with so many extremely popular things. Let me tell you about the extremely popular things that I immensely enjoyed this year.
# _Clair Obscur: Expedition 33_
I was an early adopter before the hype for _CO: E33_ got completely out of control, so I was part of the hype train, I guess, but this game deserves every pixel of hype it gets. This game pulled me out of a 6-month depressive slump and reminded me what it means to be a human, or some shit. Literally my favorite game and soundtrack of all time.
My rating: 10 billion out of 10 billion.
# _Metaphor: Re Fantazio_
Technically this came out in late 2024, but I never said this post was going to be about hype trains that started in 2025, so fucking deal with it. I started this game in February and then put it down for a bit when I started _Clair Obscur_, because I had gotten to the Dragon Temple, which was admittedly a frustrating point in the game. But on the whole this game fucking kicks ass. Stupid sexy Louis.
My rating: 4 out of 4.8 stars.
# _Severance_ - Season 2
Season 2 came out this year and somehow I didn't get the memo that Adam Scott starred in it until I saw memes about it this year, and so I immediately watched both seasons, and I had a great time. I'm a little worried it will go off the rails in Season 3 but, unlike _Pluribus_, it is an exciting show about interesting characters in which questions get answered (while raising new ones at a reasonable pace) and the plot actually moves forward from time to time. God I am so annoyed right now.
Grade: solid B- (remember: Cs get degrees)
# _Squid Game_ - Season 2
Ok I actually didn't really love this all that much, but I enjoyed watching it more than I enjoyed watching Pluribus because it's a show about interesting characters in which questions get answered (while raising new ones at a reasonable pace) and the plot actually moves forward from time to time. God I am so annoyed right now.
My score: it's fine
# _Dispatch_
What a fun and quirky game. _Dispatch_ is honestly what being a manager is like for real. Whenever my team has to do something, I pick the person with the best stats for the task, and then we roll a die to see if they succeed 🤔
Anyway, 83% approval rating, strong recommend.
# _The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy_
I have not actually "finished" this game because I still don't exactly know what it would mean to do that, short of completing all 100 different branching paths, which I will not do. But I already know I love _The Hundred Line_, even after encountering the branch literally titled "Stupidest Ending Ever," which was, in fact, very stupid. But still - I'm more of a sucker for weeaboo anime shit than I let on (how much do I let on, exactly? You tell me, buddy) and this is weeaboo anime shit _par excellence_, with some low-key grid-based tactics gameplay to boot. THAT is my kink.
Score: four bucks a pound
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# Other media that enhanced my life in 2025 but cannot be considered "hype trains"
Since we're on the topic, and it's New Year's Eve and I'm busy menstruating instead of getting DRUNK and trying to MAKE OUT with someone at MIDNIGHT (in which TIME ZONE? You have been played for FOOLS):
Baba Is You: Truly the best puzzle game of all time. I'm not sure how much mainstream hype it got - probably not as much as it deserved. A humbling reminder that I both am not nearly as smart as I think I am, AND am capable of being much smarter than I think I am.
Signalis: Soviet space lesbians in a Lovecraftian spacetime
Balatro: Nice for weekend mornings and hospital stays. Oh I donated a kidney, that happened, but I'm probably too lazy to blog about it.
Baby Steps: Haven't finished this yet, working through it slowly with a friend. Despite being a silly rage game (like QWOP in an open world setting) I am worried it's actually a very sad story that will destroy me in ways I'm not prepared for.
Hades 2: Have not finished yet, not sure if I will finish simply because I have other things to do / watch / play / rageblog about, but entertaining with nice gameplay improvements compared to Hades. Beautiful artwork, cute cat. Actually maybe this does count as a hype train, but I'm tired of blogging, goodbye 2025 you mean old bastard
