The following is an excerpt of a document I wrote on June 22, 2024, when I was having a very introspective day in a cabin at Strawberry Park Hot Springs. It has been heavily excerpted and redacted but not otherwise edited. Behold:
One theme I keep coming back to […] is that not everything has to be deep. It’s ok to have fun for its own sake. Stupid fruit snacks can be stupid because it’s fun and it’s ok to have fun. …
WOW there’s a wasp on the window and looking right at me. His stinger is a whole ass centimeter long. Hopefully the wind takes him somewhere else soon. He looks hongy for a snacc.
Earlier I watched some dudes operating heavy machinery on a dirt road down by the spring. I thought to myself, wow, I am sure glad they probably aren’t on $MIND_ALTERING_SUBSTANCE as I am right now.
Later on I saw a man running up that same dirt road - it’s not a real trail, just fire access or something idk. And I thought, wow, look at that man getting after his goals. Then I thought, it’s weird how much I’m noticing this man, and he has no idea how much I am noticing him. I watched as he paused to catch his breath - he must have had a good view of the entire springs area. I thought, maybe it’s good I’m here keeping tabs on him, like what if he has a heart attack? Then I thought, how many people must notice ME, too?
My mind keeps wandering to a metaphor of life being kind of like a river, and we’re all tubing down it, and sometimes we bump into each other and that’s fun, and sometimes the river is taking us on a journey, and sometimes it’s fun to hang onto each other a bit, but it’s also fun to just go on our own journeys, maybe bump into other people in other tubes.
That wasp is still there. What do wasps want? Does he want some impractical fruit snacks? The snacks are hidden (though I am always aware of the location of all snacks at all times - there is unfortunately no hiding the snacks from me.)
I should try to communicate with the wasp.
Ok it’s actually VERY cool how closely I can observe this wasp. I can’t get the camera to focus on him so I’ll just have to remember the wasp in my brain. Could it be my spirit guide? …. I think I’ll stay inside the cabin where it’s safe.
Why are wasps the way they are? I mean what are they doing with that abdomen, it’s barely connected to the thorax.
The wasp left. There must be a nest of them. I’ll try to remain, uh, respectful?
Oh! The wasp is back! I’m really enjoying staring closely at them. What terrifying creatures! I suppose I could tell the hot springs staff about the wasps, but I’m happy to let them live their lives. Who am I to say they have no right to have a nest here, and do whatever it is wasps do. What the fuck is the point of wasps, anyway? They don’t need to have a “point” and I don’t, either. It’s ok to just exist. It’s ok not to know where your tube is going. It’s probably a good idea to apply sunscreen to the bikini line, but eh. Sometimes it’s instructive to make mistakes.
I’ve spent a lot of time gazing out on some trees that are very perfectly, vibrantly green. And I thought, would it be nice to capture that vibrant green. And then I remembered, yes, we did, and that’s why there was so much arsenic in walls and fabrics and it quietly poisoned people for a long time. And right now […] that feels like a VERY powerful metaphor. It really is making me think.
It’s funny how there will always be a last time that you hug everyone. We should be grateful for the hugs we get.
Isn’t it sad how hard it is for us to just tell people how much they mean to us? Why are we like this?
