Screw You, REDACTED

As the USA enters war in Iran, I cannot help but remember REDACTED, a charming and attractive startup CEO with a PhD in physics who, after several drinks on a first date in October 2024, disclosed to me that although he was excited to vote for Joe Biden, now that the Democrats had replaced him with Kamala, he “wasn’t sure what he was going to do.”

REDACTED is an Iranian immigrant whose family still lives in Iran.

I don’t remember what exactly I stammered in reply. I do remember him elaborating that the Democrats (especially Kamala, somehow) are just “letting everyone in”.

There’s a lot to unpack there!

Worst/Cursed/First Dates

Society and nature equally abhor that a beautiful and enchanting temptress like me should survive - dare I say thrive - living alone in a basement (sometimes even my mother’s basement!) with her cats. I am the modern, liberally indoctrinated woman the right wing media warned you about. Fallopian tubes cauterized out of existence. Sexually liberated, but not with YOU. Hissss

But if I needed to cite a reason for my reclusiveness - and I do not need to cite any reason, because being a hashtag boss bitch means I do not need to explain my life choices to gooners on the internet - my first reason would be that the expected value of going out with anyone, let alone romantically, is less than that of vibecoding, or playing Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, or sitting on the couch and thinking about the concept of time. Are Claude and video games turning me into a shut-in? Does it matter?

A distant reason #2 is that I went on a few dates in Fall 2024 that really comically missed the mark. I live in Boulder. For heaven’s sake, everyone here should be fit, smart, educated, wealthy, powerful, and (therefore) a perfect match for me. Whatever happened there?

Undecided Voter (extremely rude)

Screw you, REDACTED.

Still Married Guy (rude)

Curtis was still married when we went on our dates. Sure, there was a whole story about how the divorce had not yet been finalized, and how she had already moved to NYC, but dude, your personal site still says you are married. Get your shit together!

Cute dog, though.

Changed his Profile to “Ethical Non-monogamy” (rude)

Andrew and I had a couple of decent casual dates. Neither of them led anywhere exciting, but we had good conversations, and I guess you could say I remained intrigued. His teeth were a bit off-putting, though. Maybe I’m too picky, but there’s a lot of games I could be playing instead of hanging out with weird teeth.

After our second date, Andrew updated his relationship preferences on Bumble to say he was looking for ethical non-monogamy. Of course I was regularly checking for just these sorts of updates because people do shit like this!

Paranoia vindicated, I asked him what the change was about. He said he would call me to explain. He did not.

Did not disclose existence of children (rude!)

My profile clearly states that I do not have and do not want children. Jack, did you really think I would somehow be okay with it if the children were teenagers?

Jack is pretty wealthy and has a plane he flies around to go skiing at fancy resorts, and that was undeniably intriguing. Still though - Jack, you’re a nice guy, but that was RUDE.

Forgettable (rude)

I really think I am forgetting someone here, which means they were painfully forgettable. Actually this is bothering me a little bit. Anyway, rude.

In conclusion

My dating advice to you: go find something else to do! Sheesh!